I have a gripe to file with the inventors of Rock-paper-scissors: Why does paper ever beat rock? Rock's strong, fortified, filled with sediment. Paper? Flimsy. A shadow of its former self. Paper should beat nobody -- especially rock. Did you see the way rock just annihilated scissors? Did you?? Let that be a message to you, paper. And newsflash: When did simply covering something denote victory of any kind? A jacket sometimes covers me -- does jacket beat Gregg? Never. Gregg always beats jacket. Paper, quit masquerading as a winner. At the end of the day, rock cuts like a knife. Just ask scissors. He's a fucking mess.
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