Tic Tac No

Tic Tac Toe. XXOO my ass. Has anyone lost this game since age 3? If so, write me -- I want to know. This “game” needs to go away. Much like curling. It’s not fun -- it’s beneath me. Know what would be more interesting? Developing a nervous tic and stepping on a tack with my toe. Better than staring into the depths of nine empty boxes -- with no real hope for an outcome. And none of this cats bullshit. How does something with such fierce competition not have more of an international following, you ask? Good question. Because nobody ever wins. That’s why.

Sweeps Weak

What is curling, and why? I ask because, once again, these party crashers showed up at the Winter Olympics to masquerade their “skills" on the world’s top stage. Is it me, or this akin to watching a janitor sweep up after closing? Honestly, I’d rather watch women curling their hair. Even ice making. Anything else, really. And spare me all the yelling. What could you possibly be saying other than "Don't slip?" This 500-year-old Scottish "sport" has all the intrigue of doing taxes -- but no refund. What’s next? Sleeping in 2014? To think, I must wait four more years to ignore it yet again...