Farewell Greg...

Today, The Morning Roast lost one its great inspirations. Greg Giraldo knew how to blindside you with a joke in a way few do. To honor of his passing at the tender age of 44, here are a few of his gems from past Comedy Central Roasts:

"Mario Cantone, you're the only guy who takes a stepladder into a glory hole."

"John Stamos, you were married to my favorite supermodel, Rebecca Romjin O'Connell."

"Pam Anderson, watching your sex tape was a whole new experience for me, because up until then, I'd never seen anyone get gonorrhea before."

"Hasslehoff, you're such a drunk, when alcohol does its taxes, it lists you as a dependent."

Genius.

And his last performance may've been his best. RIP, my friend.

Three Feat

You don’t get to have a ring ceremony until you’ve won something. When LBJ, D-Wade and C. Bosh did their finest Apollo Creed impressions from Rocky IV before an arena full of celebratory Miami Heat fans, they forgot one key detail: Being 0-0 is not grounds for a ticker tape parade. I know it’s easy to get swept up in the hype when you sign the star of The Decision, but just remember, Ivan Drago doesn’t do circle jerks. Win a game. Then, a ring. Until then, keep it in thy collective pants. Sincerely, The Los Angeles Lakers.

Gag Complex

When someone asks you ‘who you are wearing?,’ the answer should never be Arnie Morton. Sorry, Lady Gaga, your MTV VMA protein pack was rare perhaps -- but not well done. (For what it’s worth, though, I did think the prime filet beret brought the whole ensemble together quite nicely.) And the infinite wardrobe changes? That’s a dick move reserved for Oscar hosts. First you’re a turkey; then sheet metal; then prime rib. We get it. You like to play dress up. Just do me a favor, when you end the night wearing the entrails of Clarabelle as shoes, please just assure me it's organic.

Smug Shot

Why can't Paris Hilton take a horrible mug shot like the rest of us? Is there not one camera she's ever told to fuck off? I expected a little more Phil Spector, but instead got a L'Oreal ad. She looks like she just arrived on set to shoot her next sex tape, One Night in the Can. After seeing her latest expose, I couldn't help but think: That's the look of a girl who just blew everyone in the paddy wagon. Last time Paris regaled the jail cameras in 2008, she emerged from the slammer raving about her prized pic saying, "I think I have a really great mug shot." Really? Is that why you keep returning to take more? I've never had to take one personally, but if I did, it would probably look something like this.