Career Turbulence?

I know times have been tough for Vinny Barbarino of late ... but a cameo in the Qantas Airlines safety video? Cake topper. Is this what happens when Look Who’s Talking 3 falls out of development? Couldn’t he even land Virgin Atlantic? The funny part is that like most of his latest films, the reviews are not good. After its premiere, a Qantas employee came out against it, calling it “tacky.” Frankly, it's just boring. Take a peek, it’s like watching a celebrity sex tape without the sex.

Run for Cover, Girl

If you're a model, how down in the dumps must you be to take this gig? I’m guessing her first words when she got home were not, “I finally got a cover!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware of creative compromise. For about a second, I considered writing porn once. But here’s the difference -- I didn't. Perhaps I’m being too presumptuous. Maybe this model did a stock photo shoot and thought she’d be a search result for “Exercise” on Getty Images. Then, in a slight ... yet unfortunate ... turn of events, she becomes the poster child for Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I suppose it could be worse -- she could be this couple.

Screwing the Pooch

There’s nothing like taking your dog for a walk, but at what point is this little seaside stroll no longer fun for Fluffy? You gotta love her, she’s smiling despite doing her best impression of janitor's keys. More likely she's thinking, “Ever heard of a leash? Have you??” Maybe I’m overthinking things. Perhaps this dog’s perfectly fine being shoehorned into this woman's ass. I’m just glad she’s not letting the dog roam, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that dogs hate to run.

Rochambeau-shit

I have a gripe to file with the inventors of Rock-paper-scissors: Why does paper ever beat rock? Rock's strong, fortified, filled with sediment. Paper? Flimsy. A shadow of its former self. Paper should beat nobody -- especially rock. Did you see the way rock just annihilated scissors? Did you?? Let that be a message to you, paper. And newsflash: When did simply covering something denote victory of any kind? A jacket sometimes covers me -- does jacket beat Gregg? Never. Gregg always beats jacket. Paper, quit masquerading as a winner. At the end of the day, rock cuts like a knife. Just ask scissors. He's a fucking mess.

Media Ma-Sheen

Anyone heard from Charlie Sheen of late? I’ve been off the radar for about a week or so, and haven’t really been watching TV, or online, or listening to the radio, or living or breathing. I just want to make sure he’s not angry with anybody -– and if possible, hear his opinion on every subject known to man. If anybody hears anything, just let me know…because this prolonged silence? Totally disconcerting.